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    • EDITOR'S NOTE

The Loss of the Ability to Function

9/17/2014

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I feel like I'm super stupid in college like I can't even pass my fucking long tests how am I supposed to pass my finals???? I mean jesus christ high school did not prepare me for this shit. I think I 'm going to drop out soon because I cannot handle with all this failure being shoved in my goddamn face.

Anna: Hey, listen, this isn't the end of the world. This is college and you have to realize this is definitely different from high school. That this is definitely going to deal with. Freshman year is the adjustment stage, and we haven't even gotten into the first half of the year. Understand that this isn't the end and that you could just try harder to pull up your grades. Go try out some different study habits to improve your performance in school.

Marian: One lesson I learned in my first weeks of college is that most, if not all, of us are not prepared for whatever's being shoved in our faces at all. I honestly think that if you are only going to drop out because you are failing most of your tests then you are only setting up another thing to add to your roster of failures - and I think you don't want that. There are so many other alternative solutions to your problem. I suggest you start with analyzing your study habits; college courses are more rigorous than high school subjects so maybe it's about time you improve and adjust your habits to more challenging things. Most teachers also have consultation hours and you can make use of that if you didn't understand the lesson. However, if you are really having a hard time, then try to talk to your parents or guardian - maybe they have solutions that will suit your needs more. Just remember that dropping out because you feel like you can't handle any more failures will not make life stop giving you other types of failures once you're out.

So I got people talking behind my back on how I like this guy's face. That's it. His face is nice. I like his face. But the problem is they exaggerated and make people believe I'm some crazy fangirl of his. And my friends are telling me that he might have found out and isn't cool about it. I'm so embarrassed I can't even.

Anna: Okay, go feel embarrassed and angry. I understand that these feelings aren't easy to get rid of so I guess you should express them first, not to the guy or any of your backstabbers, but to your friends or to a pillow. Then you'll start thinking clearly how this is all just so stupid and grade school. Who cares what guy thinks? Let him delude himself. It's only going to be awkward because he's going to make it awkward. As for your backstabbers, fuck them. If ever you find out who they are, you should definitely have a calm and collective conversation with them on how they're being a bunch of gossipy old hags.

Marian: I think one of the only ways your situation can be fixed is if you talk to him or the people talking about it and clear it up. You can also try to just act nonchalant about it because you know that that rumour is not true and it might eventually simmer down once everyone hears some other juicy story. Just remember that your actions are still louder than whatever gossip is being spread.

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FAMILY COMES FIRST

9/10/2014

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I miss my family because I'm dorming. I don't even go home on the weekends because my home is too far. Sometimes I don't do any homework or go out with friends because i just feel really homesick. I just really want to go back home.

Reign: If you don't have any way to go home even for a little while, you can try to video call your family. Maybe go to an internet cafe or just somewhere where there's stable wifi so you can at least see them while you're talking. I advice you not to do it too much though. The more you get attached, the more you'll feel homesick. Spend more time with friends because they can help you get through it. Love the new environment you're in and try to enjoy being on your own. Also if you're not living abroad, take advantage of long weekends and whatnot, save up some money to try to visit home.

Anna: I'm sorry but since there isn't a possible way for you to go home all the time, well without spending a good amount of money that is, then you just have to call/Skype them. If they don't have a Skype account, or Facebook videocall, or stable internet, then a normal telephone call or texting would be your final options. It's sad, yes, but this is all for the sake of your education. You have to sacrifice some things, right? Please talk to your parents soon about this because it's already affecting your study habits and social life here. You have to know that your family would want nothing more than for you to be happy in the environment you're currently in and continue keeping up good grades. The next time your friends invite you to hang out and you still feel homesick, remind yourself that you're doing this, not just for your family but also for yourself.

My dad's an alcoholic and it's really taking a toll on my family. Me and my siblings want to help him but how?

Reign: An intervention could work. Make your dad realize that his addiction is affecting the whole family and that he should try to stop. I encourage you to make him sign up for Alcoholics Anonymous as well (yes, there's an AA group in the Philippines). 

Anna: This is a very serious issue because your dad could get violent and this could result in even more drastic effects. You have to talk to him sober. If you only ever see him drunk, then I guess you have to sacrifice some of your time to talk to him. Don't suddenly take away his alcohol from him because that's a sign of distrust. You don't want to be seen as the enemy. Get more family members to talk to him too. If he's too stubborn, as Reign said, bring him to an Alcoholic Anonymous meeting.

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Strange Things

8/6/2014

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"I have this blockmate who I once thought was really nice and he seems like such a loner sometimes so I decided to befriend him. But after some time, he became really clingy and his actions became borderline stalker-ish. He chats with me all the time and retweets or replies to almost all of my tweets. He also follows me and my friend around which we think is super creepy."

Kim: So, obviously this guy likes you. The best way to handle this is to be really upfront with him. If you just keep on dodging him, he might get the wrong idea and lead him on. Guys can't read minds, (no matter how much women think they do)!!! He'll only get the hint if you explicitly tell him what you feel about his behaviour. 

Marian: I personally think that talking to him nicely about what's bothering you and talking about how this can be solved will help greatly. You can also try to just ignore his actions, subtly stay away, and hope that one day (soon) he will stop, although there are no guarantees!

"I have been courting this girl for the past year now and I really really liker her, but thing is I don't think she will like me back. about a month or so I stopped talking her cause I thought that I was really just wasting my time and nothing will ever happen anyways. 2 months after I send her a text wondering how is she doing.. she replies and we start talking again till now we are still talking. I heard rumors that she talks about me a lot in her school.. I'm not sure if that is good or bad.. she is an awkward girl and it really isn't the easiest to get her talking cause whenever we talk in person its not a long talk.. any advice on my problem?"

Kim: What you can do is make her really comfortable around you first 'cause she's probably just shy. You can start by hanging out with a group of friends until she's comfortable enough to be alone with you. That's when you talk to her about what you wanna happen and if she has the same feelings for you. If you're really serious about this girl, then you have to do some serious h2h (heart to heart). If she really makes no effort to spend time with you or talk to you, then I'm sorry buddy, but she probably doesn't feel the same way. And that's okay! You're probably still really young, there's the rest of high school and college to flirt with girls and date girls. Don't take this thing too seriously. And you don't wanna spend time with a girl that's forced to be with you or is there for the wrong reasons anyway. She's only gonna break your heart.

Marian: I suggest you talk to her more, really get to know her again. Try to meet up more, hang out, talk in person, and gauge how she reacts around you. If she doesn't talk that much, try to ask her some questions about her day or her life; maybe she's just waiting for you to make the first move? And then maybe during one of your casual conversations, you can subtly ask her where you stand in her life. Also, don't let those rumors bother you so much, it's just gonna cause you unnecessary stress.
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Tricky Situations

7/30/2014

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"I like this guy but I have a lot of mutual friends with him. I want something to happen but I'm afraid I'm risking a lot because if we break up, it might be awkward for our friends."

Marian: Try to evaluate all the factors in this situation first before you go ahead and stress yourself out. Do you really, really like this guy? Is this guy really into you? Is this guy really worth whatever consequences might transpire throughout your relationship or after your relationship? Why would you even want to start a relationship with this person if you're already anticipating a break-up in the future?

Daniela: Well, first of all, are the feelings between the two of you mutual? If it is, sit down with him and have a talk if both of you are willing to work this out. Think about the different possible outcomes. Are you willing to risk your friendship for this?

"I've been liking this guy for more than three years now and he doesn't know I exist, but every time he dates someone else, I can't help but feel hurt. I can't do shit about it so what the hell should I do."

Marian: Try to go for the triple D: Disconnect from him, Distract yourself, and try your hardest to Disregard him.  

Daniela: Dear, if you have the guts to befriend this man and be close to him, then hey, go for it. Try to build a bond with this guy on the friendship level first, because maybe later on, you might find some flaws in him that would turn you off. If he's "unreachable," then, I guess you have to try to detach yourself from him and forget about him. Try to find someone else. 

"I'm an incoming freshman at the University of the Philippines and I'll be starting school really soon. I'm really excited to start a new life after high school but the thing that scares me the most is the culture shock I will experience. I was sheltered by my parents and I came from a all-girls' catholic school, so I'm really afraid of what I'll be experiencing considering that UP is known as the melting pot of ALL things good and bad."

Marian: Starting college is an extremely new experience for all freshmen, so never think that you're alone with that dilemma. I would suggest to just go with the flow, absorb your surroundings, and try to understand what's going on around you. Just make sure you never forget to follow and stand by the things you believe in and hold dear when making new decisions and actions.

Daniela: College is a whole new environment and I understand how anxious you might be feeling. Remember that you're not alone- there's at least a thousand of you whose hearts are beating fast upon entering the UP Campus. Don't rush into things and take things one step at a time. Be open to try out new stuff, but be responsible with your actions. 
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Fight It

7/23/2014

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"Back in high school, I thought I had it all figured out - I knew what I wanted to be and I knew exactly how to achieve it. But as I entered college, suddenly the career path I chose is starting to drift into a new path and now I'm terribly confused with what I really want. I'm afraid if I go the other way, my parents will get disappointed as they really wanted me to be something else, which at first I thought was what I wanted as well."

Marian: I suggest you evaluate the pros and cons of staying in your initial career path and shifting to a new one. Once you're sure about which path you really want to take, talk to your parents about it. Have a sit down conversation with them, tell them why you want to change paths, what you plan to do now, and how you're gonna go about it and stand by your decision; you never really know how your parents are gonna react until you've tried.

Anna: Okay, no one said that growing up was ever going to be easy. And right now you're going through the crossroads of life and you have to pick one option that would lead you to a happier life. That doesn't mean you're not going to sacrifice or hurt a little on the way. I'm going to say that you need time. You just got into college. You have a year or at least 6 months before you decide whether your career path is right for you. Don't rush. As for your parents, you have to break it to them or else you would end up miserable.

"The CETs are coming up... What should i expect?"

Marian: Definitely long hours of answering questions while trying to stay awake because you know your future depends on this. Just make sure that you're well rested and reviewed before your scheduled CET days. Do not forget to bring snacks too, you need to eat to remain stable during these important days.

Anna: For UP, it's a test of endurance on how long your brain can last through the time. They're more focused on science. For ADMU, it's the fastest test out there so always have the time you spend in mind. Shot-gunning might help but also might not. La Salle is pretty chill and I didn't take UST. You should just chill for the day before the CET but study the week before.

"How do I stop myself from playing Kim Kardashian: Hollywood??? I can't stop anymore this is not right!"

Marian: Quit it cold turkey! Just delete the app from your device and after some time, you won't even notice that you're not playing it anymore.

Anna: Delete it. Don't give in to the urge. Just remember that you're not actually a A star celebrity.
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make your own decisions

7/2/2014

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"My dad thinks i dress like a guy because im into boxy silhouettes and polos. I personally dont think i cross dress i just really like loose, comfortable clothing. I do appreciate my dad's concern although he thinks the way i dress wont get me any boys lol how do i tell him that i want to dress the way i want to and i dont really care what other people think."

Anna: Tell him at the moment the last thing you need are boys. Focus on your studies man. Okay, not really but express that your apathy for what other people's opinions. Like Powerpoint  that shit.

Reign: Please explain to your dad that the way you dress is your own personal choice and that you dress for yourself and not for others. I'm pretty sure you'll eventually find a guy who will like you beyond your clothes, so dress how you want! Be free, my little butterfly!

"It's only the third week of school and already I gained the freshman 15. Fuck my life. Help me lose it."

Anna: Calm down. It's not the end of the world. It's only the third week, like you said. I know in college you walk a lot, which is good. The variety of food is wider now so you're not limited to rice meals, so go have a sandwich. They're cheaper too. Also try some crash diets, especially now that you can eat (depending on your prof) during class.

Reign: I wasn't aware that there was a so-called, "Freshman 15". I'm assuming it's something to do with weight. You can cut down on the carbs and start tracking what you eat. It's not easy to lose it fast but yeah, you can start with baby steps.

"I want to make my senior year really memorable. Like Breakfast Club memorable. But I don't want to get sent to the principal's office."

Anna: Good that you don't want to get in trouble. I know this great prank that isn't so bad. You can try changing all of the wallpapers of the computers in the computer lab into a meme (because we all know how annoying they are). Use some windows to conceal what you're doing. If you're going for a Breakfast Club effect, then you don't need to do something that devious. A heart to heart in a place you don't usually hang out would work too.

Reign: You don't have to do crazy things just to make your senior year memorable. I hate to break it to you but The Breakfast Club is just a movie, it's rare for that to happen in real life. But hey, maybe you come up with an elaborate senior prank that won't get you caught. Put "wet paint" signs on every wall in the building; that's a fun idea.
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The Roommate

5/28/2014

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"I'm living in a dorm and...how do you interact with new roommates?"

Reign: Get to know the person as much as possible because well you're going to be living with him/her for quite some time, so it's best to be very friendly and stuff. Maybe ask her about things he/she doesn't like in the dorm or like how would he/she prefer your shower schedules would go, something like that. 

Anna: Be friendly. You got nothing to hide from them considering you share a room/building with them. But don't be too friendly. You gotta set your boundaries as well. Also adapt to them. If you know they have a bad habit of getting locked out, do what they did in that Zoe 101 episode where they tied the key around her neck. 

"How do you nicely tell the person you're living with that she's kind of a slob and our room's starting to look like a pigsty 'cause she doesn't know how to clean her stuff??"

Reign: Tell her to clean her shit because it's kind of your house/room/dorm too. And it doesn't hurt to be organized once in a while. If she still isn't up for cleaning, ask her her if you could clean her mess yourself ahahaha. 

Anna: Establish your points and make her an informational powerpoint. I am serious. Here's to get you started. Number one: it's not her own room. You both are renting it. You both are sharing it. She has to understand  that she is causing these problems. If she is incapable of cleaning it up, you can help her. Give her some tips too. If all else fails, request for a new roommate.

"I just got into a relationship and I really want her parents to like me. It doesn't feel good having them on my back all the time cuz they call me a bad influence on her just cuz I let her make her own decisions without consulting her parents."

Anna: Okay, parents will be uptight. They have their reasons though. Although letting your girlfriend be independent you also have to consider whether or not her decisons actually come to a good end. The solution is to show them that you can function as a healthy and happy couple. Ex. Do homework together and actually make your grades higher. Take her out and bring her home at the designated time her parents gave.

Reign: It's sort of natural for parents to be like that because they're being protective of their child, but there's nothing wrong with letting your girlfriend make her own decisions. I guess it depends on what her decisions are. Prove to her parents that you care for her and that you're not a bad influence because I bet you're not. Maybe help her with school or something.
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Confidence is Key

5/21/2014

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"I like putting makeup on because I feel good when I do it but my friends like tease me and stuff and I just end up being insecure rather than being confident. How do I deal with this?"

Reign: Think of it this way: maybe they're the ones who are insecure in the first place because you're wearing makeup, and they show that insecurity through teasing you. Nonetheless, don't stop doing something that makes you feel good about yourself just because of petty criticism. Wear makeup for yourself and not for others.

Anna: Lift fist up. Proceed to to lift your middle finger. Kidding aside, tell them to stop it because that's really rude of them. Lay it gently and I'm sure they'll understand. I give you props for continuing to put makeup to enhance your face. Makeup isn't about hiding your face in color and cream but enhancing your features with color and cream. 

"How do I get rid of first day of college jitters?"

Reign: You're not alone in this because a lot of people probably feel the same way. They all have to go through the first day of college and whether it will turn out good or bad...I don't know how to word this out in any other way but, FUCK IT. It's only the first day and it's okay if you get lost or don't have any friends yet because it's. the. first. day. You have a gazillion more days to learn about campus life and whatnot.

Anna: I can't say you can get rid of it that easily. I can't say you can get rid of it at all because everyone's scared on their first day. So I suggest go bond with your fellow scared people. Just release those jitters as society-acceptable as possible. 

"You know what sucks about being pansexual? Everyone assumes you'd date anyone, and I mean anyone. I really wanna tell my friends to stop making fun of me by pointing out every person and asking, 'Do you think that person is cute?'"

Anna: We actually have an article talking about gender right here. Show it to your friends. Tell them that they should stop that because that is seriously insensitive and rude. Just because you're pansexual doesn't mean you could fall for anyone. It means gender doesn't matter to you. Emphasize that to them, with respect of course, and hopefully they'll understand.

Reign: First, point out that they're being very inconsiderate and disrespectful about your sexuality. Second, explain to them about being pansexual and teach them that even though you can like anyone regardless of their sexual identity, that doesn't mean you can like them just because of that, get what I mean? 
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Satisfaction

5/7/2014

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"What do you do when you're so jealous of someone? Like, everything that you wish you could have or do is owned/done by someone you really hate."

Reign: You take a deep breathe and you appreciate what you have. We can't always get what we want but if you want to work hard for something, it will pay off. 

Anna: You tell yourself so what? So what if they have a lot of things? Who cares? Oh, you care? Why do you care? I know it's hard to stop noticing someone who's so irritating, but it is so not healthy just give up on them. They shouldn't mean shit to you since you hate, abhor, despise them. Unfollow, unfriend, just block them out of your life and you'll slowly stop caring.

"I know it's not even May yet but I'm going to be a freshman in a new and bigger high school and I'm really really scared. What if I get bullied or what if nobody likes me?"

Reign: First things first, take everything you know about high school and throw it out the window. Older kids might have given you advice or stories of their own high school days but everyone deals with these four years differently. Entering high school was also scary for me since I was also a new kid but it did get better. High school's a roller coaster of emotions and it's not a guarantee that every year will be a great year. It's really up to you to make the most out of it. 

Anna: You slap yourself and say that is impossible. There are more than 50 people in your incoming batch and you have extremely low chances of not being able to find someone who you can vibe with. Just chill, be yourself, do not try to be something your not because people hate it when you deceive them. As for bullying, I can't say something that could work because I have never been bullied, but reporting any incidents to your guidance counselor should help. It makes those bitches/bastards look like the bad people. Or it should.

"I got fat and shit over the summer (hahah it's not even done it's that bad) and I wanna look nice when I enter college. What can I do for one month to get me super sexy?"

Anna: There are a bunch of crash diets online that could help you. Here's a link, one of many. But understand that you'll be needing a shit ton of dedication and discipline for thing, something I never had. So if you just want to look good at college, and I'm assuming that it's a place that allows you to wear casual, find some clothes that would compliment your body type. But always remember that you should feel comfortable in it, because you can't look sexy when you feel like you're insides are being squeezed to death.

Reign: Exercise regularly and eat healthy. Don't starve yourself because because that's bad. Sometimes it's hard to lose a shit ton of weight in one month so pace yourself. Maybe a goal of 1-2 pounds a week is good enough. You will look nice whether you're 'super sexy' or not. Be comfortable with yourself. 
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Summertime Sadness

4/16/2014

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"What fun things (other than going to the beach or traveling) could I do this summer? I'm really getting bored."

Reign: You can try to take fun summer classes that are in your interest like art class or maybe drum lessons. You could try to learn a new thing like sewing or riding a skateboard. There are endless things you can do that won't make you bored, you just have to be creative!

Anna: MEDIA BINGE. LOCK YOURSELF IN YOUR ROOM AND WATCH AS MUCH MOVIES, TV SHOWS AS YOU CAN. READ READ READ. WRITE AS WELL. Hang out with friends too that would be fun. But if your eyes can't handle staying in front of computer screen for too long, you could try out some sports workshops or join a workshop that you've never done before. Or go to Megamall and try the new ice rink. The possibilities are endless.

"This isn't like a problem but what movies do you recommend I should watch? I'm sorry if this is a bit random but I wanna have a movie marathon lol."

Reign: I love how random this question is! I would recommend Kings of Summer, Spectacular Now, Her, Like Crazy, Restless, Now Is Good, and Submarine. These are just some movies I've seen during holiday breaks in the past.

Anna: You could go for the 80's coming of age movies (Ferris Buelller, The Breakfast Club) or some sci-fi (Star Wars marathon), or a hell lot of romcoms that I cannot begin to list down. Foreign movies are great too. Don't be afraid to go into some really artsy French movies (Paris Je T'aime) or some whimsical Japanese ones (Spirited Away or Kiki's Delivery Service).

"I'm really getting anxious about college because I still don't have a sure spot in the college I want to go to and I will only know for sure on May. How do I not be anxious?"

Reign: Maybe stop worrying about it first and enjoy your summer vacation. Whatever happens might be for the best; you eventually have to accept whatever outcome it may be. But for now, try to relax and make the most out of the last few months of not being a college student.

Anna: You could get away from the city, like take a whole day or weekend off to EK or somewhere in Tagaytay. Just try to relax and don't bother worrying about it for now because you can't do anything about it at the moment. It just adds stress and pimples. I know it's difficult, and I'm not saying that you should not worry about it at all, but there are things just out of your reach and only time will bring them closer to you.
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