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    • EDITOR'S NOTE

LIKE OTHERS

9/24/2014

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“See, my problem is that I just had to like the suicidal son of a bitch. I had to like the guy who almost killed himself a few days ago. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with my brain. Let me just clear it up that I didn’t start liking him after he tried to kill himself. I’m not into that shit. But I think I’ve developed stupid dumb feelings for him because I don’t want him to succeed in killing himself. We’ve spent a lot of time together because, you know, that’s what you do when your friend drinks a shit ton of pills a week ago. I don’t want to get so close that I’ll fall for him too hard. Here’s the twist: he likes someone else.”

Reign: I feel like you should still be there for him even if you're scared that you could fall in love and things would turn out not how you both want it to, you know? Because you might not know how much you mean to him or how much he needs you at this point in his life. I don't exactly know how to fix your problem but if I were you, I'd do my best to let him know how I feel and to try to make him feel somehow better, if that makes sense. You can't exactly "cure" him or anything like that but just be there when he wants to reach out because it could really help him. I understand how it's hard to like him and not like you back but sometimes the person who you truly fall in love with might not who you end up with.

Anna: I don't know the guy that much so my advice can't be that accurate. From what I think, friendship is what he needs the most in his situation. I know that it's going to be hard to suppress the feelings inside and that it's going to hurt so much because you can't say it to his face and get things over with. But you have to be there for him as a friend. It seems that you deeply care about him, so I'm sure you understand that you have to be there for him for his healing. You can do so many things for his depression to lighten up, such as coax him to visit a psychiatrist or something (Google it). Don't expect him to bounce right back up. Do not, and I repeat DO NOT, expect him to fall in love with you like those tragic young adult novels. The main goal here is to help him get better. I'm sorry to say this but you have to deal with your feelings later.

"I hate my brother’s new girlfriend because I think she’s a bitch and that my brother could do better. My brother’s an overachiever and his girlfriend is mean and couldn’t care less about school. How do I tell my brother to break up with this girl??"

Reign: You can't really force your brother to break up with this girl, because he might see some things you can't see in her. I think your brother is dating her for a reason and that reason might not be realized by others, but if you really feel in your gut that she's not meant for him, explain how you feel about his girlfriend to him. I know you want what's best for him but sometimes he needs to take on his own problems by himself. 

Anna: Please do not pull one of those sitcom plot conflicts where you set up elaborate plans to sabotage your brother's relationship. Please. First of all you need to analyze why in God's name would your brother date someone like that. If you don't know all the aspects of your brother's relationship then you have no right to interfere just yet. You step in when you start to see that the new girlfriend is affecting how he's performing as a student, family member, and overall as a human being. If she's making his grades go down, bringing him home smashed as hell, or simply making him a worse person, then you talk to your brother. Sit down and make him understand your point as gentle as you can. You can also talk to his friends if they agree or not. 

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FAMILY COMES FIRST

9/10/2014

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I miss my family because I'm dorming. I don't even go home on the weekends because my home is too far. Sometimes I don't do any homework or go out with friends because i just feel really homesick. I just really want to go back home.

Reign: If you don't have any way to go home even for a little while, you can try to video call your family. Maybe go to an internet cafe or just somewhere where there's stable wifi so you can at least see them while you're talking. I advice you not to do it too much though. The more you get attached, the more you'll feel homesick. Spend more time with friends because they can help you get through it. Love the new environment you're in and try to enjoy being on your own. Also if you're not living abroad, take advantage of long weekends and whatnot, save up some money to try to visit home.

Anna: I'm sorry but since there isn't a possible way for you to go home all the time, well without spending a good amount of money that is, then you just have to call/Skype them. If they don't have a Skype account, or Facebook videocall, or stable internet, then a normal telephone call or texting would be your final options. It's sad, yes, but this is all for the sake of your education. You have to sacrifice some things, right? Please talk to your parents soon about this because it's already affecting your study habits and social life here. You have to know that your family would want nothing more than for you to be happy in the environment you're currently in and continue keeping up good grades. The next time your friends invite you to hang out and you still feel homesick, remind yourself that you're doing this, not just for your family but also for yourself.

My dad's an alcoholic and it's really taking a toll on my family. Me and my siblings want to help him but how?

Reign: An intervention could work. Make your dad realize that his addiction is affecting the whole family and that he should try to stop. I encourage you to make him sign up for Alcoholics Anonymous as well (yes, there's an AA group in the Philippines). 

Anna: This is a very serious issue because your dad could get violent and this could result in even more drastic effects. You have to talk to him sober. If you only ever see him drunk, then I guess you have to sacrifice some of your time to talk to him. Don't suddenly take away his alcohol from him because that's a sign of distrust. You don't want to be seen as the enemy. Get more family members to talk to him too. If he's too stubborn, as Reign said, bring him to an Alcoholic Anonymous meeting.

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DON'T YOU EVER GIVE UP ON YOURSELF

8/27/2014

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"I've been battling depression for a few years now and not much people know about it. Like, only a few of my closest friends know about it. Well, anyway.... I'm not exactly the best at handling stress and two weeks ago, it was our midterms and obviously, we were drowning in work. I barely had any rest during that week. I guess the lack of sleep made me over-think a lot of things, especially school work. But then it was like the entire universe was against me because one new problem kept arising after the other. So, first the stress with college, then the stress of working with my friends, then the issue I had with another friend, then the fact that I haven't seen my family in a couple of weeks (I dorm), then the release of the advisory grades. I was so conflicted and exasperated over everything and terribly disappointed at my grades in two of my subjects, I couldn't think straight anymore and before I knew it, my tendencies came back. I couldn't handle the stress and the disappointment from everything that has happened then.

A few days ago, I was standing by the balcony of this building and I was so close to jumping off because I really just couldn't handle it anymore. Someone tapped my on the shoulder and told me that she knew what I was planning and that I shouldn't do it. Idk who she was but, I guess I should really thank her... Just as I thought things couldn't get any worse, my aunt passed away a few nights ago. She was really close to me- she went to my Mother-Daughter day back in 6th grade, she would always call me at random times just to make me feel loved and remembered, she took me in her home back in 7th grade because no one could stay with me because my grandma was in the hospital. I got really upset over her death and I guess it was back to my disoriented self.


I don't know how to bring this up with my friends. I try telling my best friend but I can't bring myself to tell her every detail. I usually end up telling her the vague parts. Sometimes, I'm too ashamed to talk to anyone about my problems because I don't want to end up crying in front of them. I don't want to suddenly darken the mood around them because of my issues. I see them laugh and scream out of happiness and sometimes I want to join in but my problems are eating me up slowly. I most definitely can't bring this up with anyone in the family. I don't think they'll take it too well, or take me seriously for that matter. I don't know. Sometimes, I really just want to give up. idek anymore."

Reign: Don't ever give up on yourself. Just don't. Yes, life can be quite shitty sometimes, but giving up is in no way a good solution; nor is suicide. Ending your life is a very permanent answer to a temporary problem. I know it's hard to just push through the pain but I know for a fact that it gets better. Everything will turn out okay. Don't hesitate one bit to talk to your friends because they might be able to help you in some way or another. They might seem happy and all but I'm telling you, they'll feel happier knowing that they can somehow help you through your issues. I'm pretty sure they have problems they're keeping inside too. Open up. Ask for help. You can't let these problems weigh you down so much. Don't be ashamed to cry. Crying releases hurt. Everybody cries. If you feel like you don't have anyone to talk to, I personally would like to volunteer. I may or may not know you, but I'm willing to help. I've been through problems like these in the past so if you want, you can message me on Twitter or shoot me an email. 

Anna: This is a very grave problem, considering that you entertained the thought and almost committed suicide. You don't have to shoulder this on your own. Your friends will help you with this. Like if ever you're thinking about it, you could warn them and they would help steer you away from actually doing it. If you're comfortable with the thought, go seek professional help. You say you have been dealing with depression for a few years but I think it's the sudden change in your life that had a great impact on your problem. College is a big change and the loss of your aunt is another. With all due time, these negative feelings will go away and ease out. Don't forget that the Philippines has a suicide hotline that can help you if ever things take a drastic turn. 
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ABOUT A BOY

8/20/2014

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I pity this guy in my class and I just want everyone to be friends with him but he's such a douche. What should I do?

Isis: Leave him alone. He doesn't deserve your pity, If he wants to hang out with you, tell him to stop being a douche.

Victoria: Don't be mean to him. If you need to talk to him, be civil about it. Make sure he gets the point, but also be gentle. Also, make sure that your class understands his situation, that he can't help but be a douche bag. 

A lot of other girls like my crush, and it's getting frustrating because I feel like my chances with him are slimming down. What can I do to increase my chances?

Anna: Make a move. Be his friend, because that's a good foundation for any relationship. Friendship is a lot stronger than being just a "kalandian". Nothing will happen if you don't do something. 

Reign: You should approach him and get to know each other. Just like Anna said, it's best to befriend him. You should also give him hints that you like him, and maybe he might reciprocate. If he doesn't, well you can't really force him to. Maybe he's just another happy crush. 
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You Are Not Alone

8/13/2014

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"I have a lot of mutual friends with this girl and like she's so /fucking/ manipulative. she always wants to decide for everything, she rarely listens to other people's suggestions. She also doesn't know when to take a hint whenever she's wrong.. I've had this problem for almost a year now and it's kinda on and off because like my friends are really close with her and i really don't want to cause any trouble between all of us."

Reign: I think you should talk to your other friends about this and about how you feel towards that girl. Let them know that you're bothered by her and hopefully, you'll get to bring this up with the girl. If not, it won't hurt to distance yourself from her. Especially if she's a pain in your ass. Don't put up with someone you don't like just because your other friends do. 

Anna: Well... that's a hard one. Maybe what you could do is to talk about it with your friends. Maybe they feel the same way about her. If it's not only you who's complaining that assures you two things. One, you're not delusional. Two, you have better chances of convincing her in changing her ways. Your friends are her friends and they can't just drop her like a hot potato. They care for her as a friend and would want her to become a better person. 

"It's like everyone in my batch is in a relationship or at least in the mutual understanding stage. Meanwhile, I've never had any of those experiences. Help me, please!"

Reign: Well, do you want to be in a relationship? Or are you just tired of seeing everyone having one? I think if you want to experience those kinds of things, it's best to meet new people and to get out of your comfort zone, but I suggest you don't force anything to happen. Let those experiences find you instead. I feel like there are more important things to deal with than wanting to have a relationship, so don't sweat it.

Anna: WHERE DO YOU GO TO SCHOOL HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE? There's a slight chance that you're exaggerating. Not EVERYONE can be in a relationship. Now, if you feel awkward around your friends because they're all in a relationship, then you should talk to them about how they should set aside some time for friends only. Or befriend their partners. The solution isn't to go with the flow and get into a relationship because if you plan on getting one it's never going to be as amazing as naturally getting one. It's going to start looking like a life goal, a responsibility. Like homework where you have to do this and that to keep one. Just chill. Focus on your studies too. Always comes first.
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make your own decisions

7/2/2014

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"My dad thinks i dress like a guy because im into boxy silhouettes and polos. I personally dont think i cross dress i just really like loose, comfortable clothing. I do appreciate my dad's concern although he thinks the way i dress wont get me any boys lol how do i tell him that i want to dress the way i want to and i dont really care what other people think."

Anna: Tell him at the moment the last thing you need are boys. Focus on your studies man. Okay, not really but express that your apathy for what other people's opinions. Like Powerpoint  that shit.

Reign: Please explain to your dad that the way you dress is your own personal choice and that you dress for yourself and not for others. I'm pretty sure you'll eventually find a guy who will like you beyond your clothes, so dress how you want! Be free, my little butterfly!

"It's only the third week of school and already I gained the freshman 15. Fuck my life. Help me lose it."

Anna: Calm down. It's not the end of the world. It's only the third week, like you said. I know in college you walk a lot, which is good. The variety of food is wider now so you're not limited to rice meals, so go have a sandwich. They're cheaper too. Also try some crash diets, especially now that you can eat (depending on your prof) during class.

Reign: I wasn't aware that there was a so-called, "Freshman 15". I'm assuming it's something to do with weight. You can cut down on the carbs and start tracking what you eat. It's not easy to lose it fast but yeah, you can start with baby steps.

"I want to make my senior year really memorable. Like Breakfast Club memorable. But I don't want to get sent to the principal's office."

Anna: Good that you don't want to get in trouble. I know this great prank that isn't so bad. You can try changing all of the wallpapers of the computers in the computer lab into a meme (because we all know how annoying they are). Use some windows to conceal what you're doing. If you're going for a Breakfast Club effect, then you don't need to do something that devious. A heart to heart in a place you don't usually hang out would work too.

Reign: You don't have to do crazy things just to make your senior year memorable. I hate to break it to you but The Breakfast Club is just a movie, it's rare for that to happen in real life. But hey, maybe you come up with an elaborate senior prank that won't get you caught. Put "wet paint" signs on every wall in the building; that's a fun idea.
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The Roommate

5/28/2014

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"I'm living in a dorm and...how do you interact with new roommates?"

Reign: Get to know the person as much as possible because well you're going to be living with him/her for quite some time, so it's best to be very friendly and stuff. Maybe ask her about things he/she doesn't like in the dorm or like how would he/she prefer your shower schedules would go, something like that. 

Anna: Be friendly. You got nothing to hide from them considering you share a room/building with them. But don't be too friendly. You gotta set your boundaries as well. Also adapt to them. If you know they have a bad habit of getting locked out, do what they did in that Zoe 101 episode where they tied the key around her neck. 

"How do you nicely tell the person you're living with that she's kind of a slob and our room's starting to look like a pigsty 'cause she doesn't know how to clean her stuff??"

Reign: Tell her to clean her shit because it's kind of your house/room/dorm too. And it doesn't hurt to be organized once in a while. If she still isn't up for cleaning, ask her her if you could clean her mess yourself ahahaha. 

Anna: Establish your points and make her an informational powerpoint. I am serious. Here's to get you started. Number one: it's not her own room. You both are renting it. You both are sharing it. She has to understand  that she is causing these problems. If she is incapable of cleaning it up, you can help her. Give her some tips too. If all else fails, request for a new roommate.

"I just got into a relationship and I really want her parents to like me. It doesn't feel good having them on my back all the time cuz they call me a bad influence on her just cuz I let her make her own decisions without consulting her parents."

Anna: Okay, parents will be uptight. They have their reasons though. Although letting your girlfriend be independent you also have to consider whether or not her decisons actually come to a good end. The solution is to show them that you can function as a healthy and happy couple. Ex. Do homework together and actually make your grades higher. Take her out and bring her home at the designated time her parents gave.

Reign: It's sort of natural for parents to be like that because they're being protective of their child, but there's nothing wrong with letting your girlfriend make her own decisions. I guess it depends on what her decisions are. Prove to her parents that you care for her and that you're not a bad influence because I bet you're not. Maybe help her with school or something.
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Confidence is Key

5/21/2014

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"I like putting makeup on because I feel good when I do it but my friends like tease me and stuff and I just end up being insecure rather than being confident. How do I deal with this?"

Reign: Think of it this way: maybe they're the ones who are insecure in the first place because you're wearing makeup, and they show that insecurity through teasing you. Nonetheless, don't stop doing something that makes you feel good about yourself just because of petty criticism. Wear makeup for yourself and not for others.

Anna: Lift fist up. Proceed to to lift your middle finger. Kidding aside, tell them to stop it because that's really rude of them. Lay it gently and I'm sure they'll understand. I give you props for continuing to put makeup to enhance your face. Makeup isn't about hiding your face in color and cream but enhancing your features with color and cream. 

"How do I get rid of first day of college jitters?"

Reign: You're not alone in this because a lot of people probably feel the same way. They all have to go through the first day of college and whether it will turn out good or bad...I don't know how to word this out in any other way but, FUCK IT. It's only the first day and it's okay if you get lost or don't have any friends yet because it's. the. first. day. You have a gazillion more days to learn about campus life and whatnot.

Anna: I can't say you can get rid of it that easily. I can't say you can get rid of it at all because everyone's scared on their first day. So I suggest go bond with your fellow scared people. Just release those jitters as society-acceptable as possible. 

"You know what sucks about being pansexual? Everyone assumes you'd date anyone, and I mean anyone. I really wanna tell my friends to stop making fun of me by pointing out every person and asking, 'Do you think that person is cute?'"

Anna: We actually have an article talking about gender right here. Show it to your friends. Tell them that they should stop that because that is seriously insensitive and rude. Just because you're pansexual doesn't mean you could fall for anyone. It means gender doesn't matter to you. Emphasize that to them, with respect of course, and hopefully they'll understand.

Reign: First, point out that they're being very inconsiderate and disrespectful about your sexuality. Second, explain to them about being pansexual and teach them that even though you can like anyone regardless of their sexual identity, that doesn't mean you can like them just because of that, get what I mean? 
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Not A Letdown

5/14/2014

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"What is love? I've never really drawn the line between 'liking,' and 'loving,' but when someone asks me if I've loved before, I don't know if an incident wherein I liked someone so much it was a pain to think of life without them last year counts."

Reign: Everybody has a different definition of love. It's hard to pinpoint what the exact meaning is but I think that you'll just know when you really love someone. Well that's what they all say. If you're totally comfortable with that person and he/she makes you a better person, then maybe you can call that love. In my opinion, that situation of yours could count as love, but maybe it turned out to be just infatuation. 

Anna: Honestly, I think it's not real love unless you've been in a relationship with them and experienced sacrifice, joy, pain, etc. What you're telling me is sort of a deep infatuation of that person. For me, love requires action thus thinking about them doesn't cross the line. 

"My life is sort of unplanned and I know what I want to be but I'm afraid to make the wrong choices. What do I do?"

Reign:
You'll never know anything if you don't give it a try. Let things happen because if you really want something then it'll eventually happen. Don't worry if you don't have things figured out at the moment. I myself don't know what the hell I'm doing with my life. Some people just need more time to process things and that's not a bad thing. We deal with situations differently and we choose paths some people might not be okay with, but you'll be fine. 

Anna: Chill. The thing with youth these days is that we keep worrying what's going to happen in the future but in reality college fresh grads are thinking the same thing. We're too young to think about this. Let it be unplanned and let you make the wrong choices. There is no such thing as a plan that goes smoothly. You also must learn from your wrong choices. You have to experience pain and uncertainty, but don't worry about it too much. That's life, man.

"Just a rant: summer's almost over and I haven't done anything worth my time."

Reign: If you had fun wasting time then it wasn't really a waste, is it? That's okay, you can go with the flow for now. It's never too late to do something productive anyway. 

Anna: Then it's time to hit the 36 degrees Celsius streets! I can give you tons of suggestions on what to do with the remaining 3-4 weeks of summer but there's Google for that. Have you tried painting yet? Learn a new language? Read something? Try reading around your village area. Read in the park. Read on the street. Do something, anything and if you had fun doing it, it was definitely worth your time.
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Satisfaction

5/7/2014

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"What do you do when you're so jealous of someone? Like, everything that you wish you could have or do is owned/done by someone you really hate."

Reign: You take a deep breathe and you appreciate what you have. We can't always get what we want but if you want to work hard for something, it will pay off. 

Anna: You tell yourself so what? So what if they have a lot of things? Who cares? Oh, you care? Why do you care? I know it's hard to stop noticing someone who's so irritating, but it is so not healthy just give up on them. They shouldn't mean shit to you since you hate, abhor, despise them. Unfollow, unfriend, just block them out of your life and you'll slowly stop caring.

"I know it's not even May yet but I'm going to be a freshman in a new and bigger high school and I'm really really scared. What if I get bullied or what if nobody likes me?"

Reign: First things first, take everything you know about high school and throw it out the window. Older kids might have given you advice or stories of their own high school days but everyone deals with these four years differently. Entering high school was also scary for me since I was also a new kid but it did get better. High school's a roller coaster of emotions and it's not a guarantee that every year will be a great year. It's really up to you to make the most out of it. 

Anna: You slap yourself and say that is impossible. There are more than 50 people in your incoming batch and you have extremely low chances of not being able to find someone who you can vibe with. Just chill, be yourself, do not try to be something your not because people hate it when you deceive them. As for bullying, I can't say something that could work because I have never been bullied, but reporting any incidents to your guidance counselor should help. It makes those bitches/bastards look like the bad people. Or it should.

"I got fat and shit over the summer (hahah it's not even done it's that bad) and I wanna look nice when I enter college. What can I do for one month to get me super sexy?"

Anna: There are a bunch of crash diets online that could help you. Here's a link, one of many. But understand that you'll be needing a shit ton of dedication and discipline for thing, something I never had. So if you just want to look good at college, and I'm assuming that it's a place that allows you to wear casual, find some clothes that would compliment your body type. But always remember that you should feel comfortable in it, because you can't look sexy when you feel like you're insides are being squeezed to death.

Reign: Exercise regularly and eat healthy. Don't starve yourself because because that's bad. Sometimes it's hard to lose a shit ton of weight in one month so pace yourself. Maybe a goal of 1-2 pounds a week is good enough. You will look nice whether you're 'super sexy' or not. Be comfortable with yourself. 
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