A few days ago, I was standing by the balcony of this building and I was so close to jumping off because I really just couldn't handle it anymore. Someone tapped my on the shoulder and told me that she knew what I was planning and that I shouldn't do it. Idk who she was but, I guess I should really thank her... Just as I thought things couldn't get any worse, my aunt passed away a few nights ago. She was really close to me- she went to my Mother-Daughter day back in 6th grade, she would always call me at random times just to make me feel loved and remembered, she took me in her home back in 7th grade because no one could stay with me because my grandma was in the hospital. I got really upset over her death and I guess it was back to my disoriented self.
I don't know how to bring this up with my friends. I try telling my best friend but I can't bring myself to tell her every detail. I usually end up telling her the vague parts. Sometimes, I'm too ashamed to talk to anyone about my problems because I don't want to end up crying in front of them. I don't want to suddenly darken the mood around them because of my issues. I see them laugh and scream out of happiness and sometimes I want to join in but my problems are eating me up slowly. I most definitely can't bring this up with anyone in the family. I don't think they'll take it too well, or take me seriously for that matter. I don't know. Sometimes, I really just want to give up. idek anymore."
Reign: Don't ever give up on yourself. Just don't. Yes, life can be quite shitty sometimes, but giving up is in no way a good solution; nor is suicide. Ending your life is a very permanent answer to a temporary problem. I know it's hard to just push through the pain but I know for a fact that it gets better. Everything will turn out okay. Don't hesitate one bit to talk to your friends because they might be able to help you in some way or another. They might seem happy and all but I'm telling you, they'll feel happier knowing that they can somehow help you through your issues. I'm pretty sure they have problems they're keeping inside too. Open up. Ask for help. You can't let these problems weigh you down so much. Don't be ashamed to cry. Crying releases hurt. Everybody cries. If you feel like you don't have anyone to talk to, I personally would like to volunteer. I may or may not know you, but I'm willing to help. I've been through problems like these in the past so if you want, you can message me on Twitter or shoot me an email.
Anna: This is a very grave problem, considering that you entertained the thought and almost committed suicide. You don't have to shoulder this on your own. Your friends will help you with this. Like if ever you're thinking about it, you could warn them and they would help steer you away from actually doing it. If you're comfortable with the thought, go seek professional help. You say you have been dealing with depression for a few years but I think it's the sudden change in your life that had a great impact on your problem. College is a big change and the loss of your aunt is another. With all due time, these negative feelings will go away and ease out. Don't forget that the Philippines has a suicide hotline that can help you if ever things take a drastic turn.